Friday, May 06, 2005

Gotta Start Somewhere...

So I suppose I'll just start in the middle...

I live in a duplex. My neighbor is also my landlord... I'll just call her Cat Lady. Before we moved here she was a friend (it was an act of desperiation, trust me... NEVER rent from a friend) but in the last year she has oozed herself closer and closer to slumlord status. She's become obsessed with buying additional properties to increase her wealth, although for years she has insisted that she cannot afford to maintain this place correctly.

Cat Lady's ability to be penny-wise and ton-foolish (way more than a pound, trust me) is normally a source of near constant amusement.

The latest episode in the saga is that we've had standing water in the crawl space for months now. Every time it rains it gets worse, because every time the ground gets wet from above the water below (from an underground spring that dosn't exist) causes it to take forever to evaporate becuase we're on a high water table. Just about every other house on this side of the street has a sump pump. But not us... no no!

Did I mention that I live in a neighborhood where there has been at least one confirmed human case of West Nile Virus and multiple confirmed cases in dead birds? Well, I do.

So we're directly above the neighborhood Mosquito Motel.

If I don't keep windows open all the time the house gets very humid, and we're growing the most interesting mushrooms in the front yard. I won't gross you out with the mold issues in one of the bedrooms and the bath.

I have been unable to open the window in the aforementioned bedroom for ages because of the mosquito issues and the fact that the screen was bent. I had extra screens that we had taken out when we put in window a/c, but she took those to replace her own screens that her cats had shredded.

I finally took the screen to get fixed this week... I should have done it weeks ago, but in my life if it's not a crisis it's probably not even happening. I got the good pet-resistant screen so my current cat won't wreck it. Cost almost $24. One screen... good, fine, whatever.

So today when I go to pick it up I notice this really nice wooden screen door out in the parking lot. After I pay for the new window screen I ask the guy working there if I can have the door. At first he says that the owner might sell it to me. I explain that I just thought it'd be neat to use for a plant trellis. Now he says I can have it. Wow... I'm a better liar than I thought!

Of course my car is full of crap. I'm shoving this huge screen door into my car and the guy comes out and tells me to hurry up before his boss comes back... oh great! I shove it in, get in the car, hit my head on the screen and drive away.

I call my other neighbor who I adore. I tell her I'm bringing something home for her. She wants to know where I am... I'm driving, all scrunched up so I don't hit my head on the thing I have for her because it's so big! She says What the hell did you get?!

She's thrilled with the screen door, and she can use it. I tell her Happy Mother's Day, Mama... I can stop grumbling for at least 20 minutes, I'm so thrilled that she loves it.

I put in the new window screen... which dosn't quite fit so I'm going to have to buy some of that spray foam stuff to close the gap. But I'm not bothered, my friend is thrilled with her "new" door.

Ain't life grand?

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